Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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