my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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