It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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