i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize