Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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