pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
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I just got carded by a ten year old.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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