You're my little dorito
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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