Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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