That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize