does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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