There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
