Already got asked if we're dating
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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