About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize