I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize