Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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