i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize