lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize