yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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