my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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