Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The Olympian is in my bed
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