Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
