I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
