I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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