alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize