the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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