Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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