I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize