6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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