Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize