I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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