1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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