you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize