Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
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that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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