she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm both gender and math confused
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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