My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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