So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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