guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize