my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize