His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize