I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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