I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize