I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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