How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
