Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize