Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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