Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize