He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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