so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize