Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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