the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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