just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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