I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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